“Love Ever Never”
No one ever understood Evelyn Evernever. Even as a child the other kids would shun her except for Archie Andrews. He was the only boy at Riverdale Elementary that would talk to Evelyn and her creepy doll.
One day at recess, nasty little Veronica caught Archie and Evelyn holding hands by the swings. This was the first time she had ever felt jealousy. The feeling quickly turned to rage. No one kisses Archie but Veronica Lodge! It’s time to get the classroom bully involved. Minerva the creepy doll, meet Moose…
Fate is a strange concept for some people to accept. In the case of Midge Klump, a middle school girl with very low social equity, new friendships can help lift one’s self worth and break the chains of oppression. On a random day at the Klump residence, a brightly wrapped package waits for Midge on the front porch after school. Inside was the oddest looking doll she had ever seen.
Who had sent Midge the cybernetic doll with life-sized proportions? The creepiest part of the whole thing was the fact “CH3RYL” was designed to look exactly like Cheryl Blossom. Midge nervously chuckled as the robotic doll introduced herself. She knew Cheryl’s ego was big, but sending her a high-tech robot was not her style. In fact, Cheryl disliked Midge greatly. Midge was just a nobody to the Riverdale Middle School’s head cheerleader.
Over the next month Midge and CH3RYL would become BFFs. That’s when people started to disappear. Why did Cheryl Blossom run away from her own slumber party? Did Moose finally abandon his number one girlfriend? How does the robot doll know so much about Midge’s life?
“The Gift That Keeps On
What does one do when a mad scientist creates the perfect killing machine, disguised said machine in the form of a doll, and gifts it to the wrong person. Say hello to Plucky, the walking and talking homicidal maniac. Does he run on D or C batteries?
For Chester Plunkett, this is the greatest day of his life. Not only did he get his very first birthday present, it actually shows interest in him. A very unhealthy, almost obsessive interest to be fair. Is that pointy sheers in the doll’s pocket, or is he just excited to see him?
Once again Archie has embraced American horror culture and brought us the M3gan spoof we always knew we wanted. Yes, this year’s “Fear The Funhouse” focuses on dolls. Yes, those creepy little dolls that hide under our beds at night, waiting to smother us with our own pillows. And others, like Betsy Wetsy, who drop plugged in toasters into our children’s bathwater. Yes…Those dolls.
This has to be my favorite horror book I’ve read in this year’s Relic Keep “Halloween Reading Bananza”. Some of the recent Chilling Adventures Presents books have been hit or miss, but I rank this one up there with the Little Wilkins Boy soul selling issue from last year. I’m giving the Riverdale Dolls five out of five stars.